Wednesday, April 13, 2011 at 3:06am
When
I found out I was actually going to be coming to Africa, you can’t
imagine the excitement, nervousness, and incredulity I felt . . . Or
maybe you can. Coming to Africa has been the biggest dream come true of
my life and I have been moved beyond words by this experience. It is a
place that I had been somehow homesick for though I had never been to.
How is it that you can long so much for a place, a people, a land that
you have never set foot on or met or seen? I do not know but that is
what it felt like for a long time and to have that dream realized is a
humbling and incredible thing. It has brought a deep peace to my soul as
well as bringing an even stronger desire to be here and to do work
among these most beautiful of God’s creation.
Even though
there are things that I find difficult to cope with on a daily basis,
they are far outweighed by the things I find it now difficult to think
about leaving and living without, even if its only for a short while.
There is a beautiful rhythm to life here, to the way people talk, the
way they walk, and the life the live that is intoxicating and wonderful.
Sometimes it feels as if my life started over the moment the plane
touched down in Accra though it took a little while to feel so much at
home. Even in the scary newness of the place, I found a joy and
excitement that diminished the scary aspects of being in an unfamiliar
yet somehow recognizable place. I find it hard to imagine sometimes the
life I live in the US. I don’t spend much time thinking about things
there other than my friends and family of course. Though, I’ll admit to
being occasionally homesick, it is a rarity for which I thank God for. I
really wanted to curl up in my bed in my lovely room at home and take a
long nap the other day.
But in general it seems as if that is
another life and a lifetime away and I wonder how I’ll merge these 2
lives and what kind of person I will be for having these 2 lives, each
one longing for the other. How will it be to leave this land where my
heart has been captured and filled to overflowing in more ways than you
or I can imagine? I do not know nor do I care to dwell on leaving at
this moment in time. It is a nearly unbearable thought that quickly
brings an ache to my chest that knows no relief and tears to my eyes
that refuse to dry.
That is not to say that I am not
looking forward to once again seeing the faces of my dear friends and
family at home. Do not think for a moment that I have left you and do
not wish to return. I have carried you with me on every adventure and
you have given me strength, support, encouragement and laughter when I
have needed it most even if you were unaware of it. I’m not about to let
you nor all the incredible gifts you have brought into my life go now
or in the future. Don‘t you see? You are a part of me that cannot be
removed and I would not change that for all the people in the world I
have yet to meet. I have you to thank for my being here. Well, I have
God to thank for giving me the parents He did so He is who I thank for
my existence, but as for my being able to make this journey, you, too,
have been integral in making it a reality and a good one at that.
In
my planning for this trip I knew I would be celebrating my 30th
birthday here in Ghana and what a way to celebrate such a milestone!! It
could only have been improved upon if my friends and family had been
here with me to meet my new friends and see this place that feels more
like another home every day. I also knew I’d be marking my Dad’s
birthday and the 1 year anniversary of the day he went to heaven. It's a
been a year today since my Dad went to be with our Father. Hard to
believe its been so long. Seems like it can’t possibly have been a year
that we have lived on this earth while he is celebrating in heaven. So
much has happened this past year and even though Dad is in heaven I know
he has been with us all this past year.
Every time I stop
to admire a beautiful sweet-smelling flower I am reminded of my Dad and
how he loved and appreciated these small creations of our Father. I
know he would love to walk with me down one of these tree and
shrub-lined dirt paths just to admire God’s amazing handiwork. So when
I’m walking on these dusty trails I know he is here with me and is
enjoying this journey I’m on with me. I can only imagine what he might
say of my adventures so I imagine he is enjoying them and praying for me
and is proud of me for embarking on such a journey. The other day I
took a walk down one of these dusty paths with a friend and found a
quiet place to pass some time. As we were sitting on a cement bench that
is so common here under a flowering tree that had many butterflies
fluttering around I was overwhelmed with both a sense of peace and also
sadness thinking about Dad. Peace for this beautiful moment with a dear
friend and sadness for missing my Dad. It somehow in these moments when
those feelings seem to sneak up on me and catch me off guard. There have
been moments when I’m sitting in a lecture and suddenly I’m thinking
about my Dad and wishing I was anywhere but in that lecture. And then
the moment passes and I’m grateful for the memories I have and the
moments I’ve shared with him and the way those moments might seem to
have ended a year ago but have somehow continued. I’ve shared all these
adventures and much more with him, maybe even more so now that he is in
heaven. He has been with me in all of them and that is something I hope I
never lose.
For anyone reading this who has lost a loved
one I pray you find peace in your loss through whichever way it finds
you. It is different for everyone and for me it comes with the knowledge
that my Dad is in a place of truest love and wondrous peace. Just
because he is not on this earth any longer does not mean he is no longer
with me. May you find peace today wherever you are in whatever you are
doing.
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