I should be so concerned

Thinking today in the midst of my cramming cardboard boxes full of my things, far too many things, and grumbling to myself about how we are being forced to move before we were ready and how unjust it all is, how much I dislike packing and unpacking and how mad I am that Mom has to do this again, too, it occurs to me that I've got far more I should be concerned about than this change.

I should be more concerned at the sheer number of things I've amassed, things which are frequently more sentimental than practical or useful. Things which aren't even sentimental or practical and yet I've got them… and I've just packed them again, to move off to the next closet or garage or tote under the bed, again, where they'll remain for who knows how long.

I should be more concerned about how I've fallen victim far too often to rampant consumerism that is certainly destroying more than its creating, despite my efforts to minimize those temptations. How my desire to buy things, necessary or not, often trumps my desire to choose wisely and out of necessity rather than want.

I should be more concerned about where all these things, sentimental, practical, nonsense, were created, by whom, under what circumstances, for whose gain. Far too many were created in slavery conditions, something I'm probably more conscious of than many, and yet, I now own these things, these pieces of fabric or plastic or stone that were created under oppressive circumstances and I am a part of that cycle, keeping those people, over there, in slavery, so I can own nonsense.

I should be more concerned by my attachment to these temporary things, things which have no eternal value. Things which fill up my room and distract me from eternal things. Distract me from even necessary temporal things more often than I'd care to admit.

I should be more concerned by the lack of necessary things so many people live with, not to mention sentimental and nonsense things, to the point of sharing my abundance with them, not out of charity but out of camaraderie and solidarity as with a family member, what's mine is yours. Well, at least that's how it is with some families and some members. I should be more like that. Less 'mine,' more 'ours'.

I should be more concerned with how to make changes in all these areas that actually matter and less concerned with this change which will likely matter very little after its all said and done.

I should be more concerned with my limited perspective, my privileged, white, US American, comfortable perspective, which distances me from others despite my wishes to the contrary. Other people in other places living through other situations far worse than mine. Incomprehensibly different and painful. Others I hope to love and I strive to encourage others to love. There's more to be done. More by me. In my life, here, where I've been called. With what I've been given cuz what I've been given is surely not for my benefit alone. I've acquired far too much, too much money, too much love and support, too many friends and colleagues, too much comfort and safety, too much to not give away this excess generously and joyfully.

I should be more concerned with peace & hope & faith than with retaliation & anger & bitterness, for the former leads to life & the latter hurries death. And I want life, life more abundantly, as He promised me, promised us. He promised. He always keeps His promises. And this might be, must be, a part of that promise keeping, that faith building, toward abundance, toward peace, toward telos, toward Him.

I should be so concerned . . .