How Was Your Day?

How Was Your Day?

Sick to my stomach

From an illness of the mind

Twisting and tightening

Making me blind.

I hate it and need it

Can’t shake the dis ease

Makes me want to vomit

Get it out of me, I’m begging you, PLEASE!

Purge me of this ache

Crushing my ribs, branded inside my chest

Extinguish this raging fire

Even for only a moments rest.

Can’t feel or see

Blackest night and darkest rage

Tired of understanding

Trapping myself inside this cage

Don't Tell Pinocchio

Don't Tell Pinocchio

Cat Stoothoff

Don't ask me of the pain

Etched so deeply in my eyes.

Don't ask me of the time

Spent wasted asking, wondering why.

Don't ask me of the tears

Cascading down my cheeks.

Don't ask me of words unspoken

Trapped so deep inside.

Don't ask me of the love

Fighting for more time.

Don't ask me of these things

And of these things

I'll tell no lies.

Midnight Sirens

“Midnight Sirens”

There are quiet moments

After the lights have been turned off

Gadgets powered down

When

No more distractions

Distract

The only noise,

Traffic outside

Sirens screaming by

Thoughts in my head

In these moments

Lying awake in bed

Waiting for sleep

Hoping

Praying

Dreading

It comes easily

Then

There

You find me

You come

You sit

On the edge of my bed

Or on the floor

With your back to the wall

Or lying next to me

In this

Too big

Too empty

Bed

You sit quietly

Watching

Listening

Being

Quietly

In my mind

Everything

Nothing

My mind that won’t stop

That can’t quit

That refuses to let go

And you sit there

Or lie here

And I rage

And I scream

And I ache

And I cry

And I break

When there are no more distractions

To keep you away

To occupy my mind

Then

There

You find me

Helpless

Confused

Vulnerable

Angry

Unwilling or unable

To put up a fight

To deny

To distract

To lie

Every day

Every moment

I fight you

I don’t want you here

Not like this

Not this way

Not this why

Measuring time by

Your absence

Your silence

Your distance

My emptiness

Then

There

You find me

Like this

This way

This why

A million questions

Wonderings

Whys

And you sit there

Silently

Lie here

Quietly

And I am

Here

Without answers

In silence

The dark

A pain

Slowly

Silently suffocating me

Distractions

Gone

Lights

Off

And I wait

Wait

For my hope to fade

For my ache to ease

For the want in me

That’s wanting you

To be fulfilled by someone else

Something else

I wait

For your call

For your touch

For peace

For one more breath

Before I sleep

Then

There

You find me

Here

Now

I am found

Once and Then Again

We almost danced

Once

You and I

Beyond the ocean

Above the sky

We almost danced

Once

You and I

To fading music

Rushing, racing, flying by

We almost danced

Once

You and I

Through thunderclouds

And lightning strikes

We almost danced

Once

You and I

In the darkness

Of the darkest night

We almost danced

Once

You and I

To life and love and

Questions why

We almost danced

Once

You and I

We almost danced

You and I

THIS

There is a frozen moment

a blinding flash

a racing heartbeat

of an instant

when you know

You know

THIS moment

will define me

restore

change

and destroy me

never to be ever the same

THIS flash

will blind me

deafen

tame

and paralyze me

somehow and not yet gained

THIS heartbeat

will captivate me

trap

enslave

and intoxicate me

always, for an eternity changed

In a moment

a flash

a single heartbeat

familiar existence

eternally misplaced

Insomnia

Wishful thinking

Isn’t all it might be.

Hopes wrapped in dreams

Stretching far beyond eternity.

Out of reach and out of time

Desperate questioning

Irrelevant “why?”

Answer in the unanswering.

Echoes sing to faraway stars

Of foreign melodies and familiar rhymes

Within reach

Just in time

They know of this imagined eternity

And sing it back to me

Sundial

How long? I ask

HOW LONG?!?! I scream

Silence

Silence

How long? I cry

HOW LONG?!?! I plead

Silence

Silence

How long? I whisper

HOW LONG?!?! I pray

Just a while longer,

Trust me!

Only a little more,

Believe me!

Silence

Silence

But Your time is different than mine!

Your time is deceiving! HOW LONG?!?!

Is it never to be?

Silence

Silence

Brick Lane

Every time I depart

It is not the leaving that I love,

It is the hope in what is to come

And a restless anticipation for

Discovering magic and unraveling mystery.

For what I leave behind is my life, as I have known it.

And what is ahead is my life as it is yet to be.

I do not leave you!

You are coming with me, don't you know?!

I could not go without you, nor would I try.

I can only go because of you.

I am taking you with me everyday.

You are my strength, my peace,

My comfort, my joy,

My rock, my scale, my compass,

My laughter and my smile.

If not for you being all this for me,

I would not be the me I am becoming.

You are my reason for going,

You are my reason for hating to leave,

But you are also why I cannot stay.

It is not the leaving that I love . . .

Borrowed titles and wasting time

The ticking is the bomb.
Not the clock on the wall,
That’s just time passing me by.

The ticking is the bomb.
Not a metronome keeping a beat,
That’s just someone else’s consistency.

The ticking is the bomb.
Not that pounding in my chest,
That’s just my heart on repeat.

The ticking is the bomb.
Not nails on a desk,
That’s just impatient humanity.

The ticking is the bomb.
Not the leaky faucet,
That’s just housework set to ‘lazy.’

The ticking is the bomb.
It’s you. It’s me. Us. We.
That’s just life, waiting, eternally.