envious of innocence and belief

in truth that isn't and life that isn't

in time that lied and sight that failed

and hearts that used to beat

and breathing that comes so easy for everyone but me

disillusionment used to be routine


cuz only tears flow

and air is in short supply

i can't find my watch to stop the time

that taunts and teases and promises to wait

but all along has been cheating me


searching for black and white in a prismatic universe

something to cast some shade from relentless light

shut it off! smash the bulb that only illuminates

labyrinths and ruins from a forgotten time

instead of stars and magic and possibility


quicksand seduction

coolness desired

but I can't breathe let alone sink!!

and I can't see and I don't know how to be!!

cuz all there is

is seductive chaos and exhausted rage

naked truth that is and never ends,

life that might be

and if I've been mistaken for this long

how can I begin to perceive


merely another blind person on the street

in my house and in my head

smashing into once-familiar walls

now ethereal and indistinct

fingers and ears and eyes that refuse decrees


predictability on every corner

not part of this identity

uncertainty, supposed to

outsider that can’t afford the fee

this madness

that is me